The betrayal, the backstabbing, the plotting, the power-struggles, an uprising, usurpers, deceiving, unfaithfulness, treason and broken promises – and that’s just a standard Tuesday morning in Labour HQ.
To an outsider politics, and particularly British politics, is often just middle-aged boring men in monotonous and mundane suits involved in lifeless activities which quite frankly you couldn’t give a shit about. But the last two weeks have seen an exception. Because, right now, British politics is fucked. The country is fucked. The economy is fucked. Jeremy Corbyn is fucked. Boris Johnson is fucked. David Cameron is beyond fucked. Michael Gove is actually doing okay, and if that isn’t a clear indication to how fucked the country is then you’ve obviously been living in your Grandma’s garden pond for the last 12 months.
Game of Thrones is mental. Dragons and tits mate, what’s more mental than that? Burning children alive? Yeah it’s got that too. But right now the world of British politics is on fire and no one can get around Boris Johnson to escape through the fire escape. There’s currently more life and blood flowing in Ned Stark’s deceased corpse than there is in David Cameron (and Ned Stark has been dead for 5 years). You’d rather support a dwindling Lannister army to survive against three fuck-off dragons than back Jeremy Corbyn to survive three more weeks. The betrayal and backstabbing by Michael Gove to shatter Boris Johnson’s career was more detrimental than when Walder Frey had Rob stark, his mum, wife and unborn baby murdered at a wedding. And you would honestly prefer to watch Ramsey Bolton cut off Theon Greyjoy’s cock again than try to follow a day in British politics.
British politics is morphing into a real life version of Game of Thrones and here’s why:
The Lies – “Distrusting me was the wisest thing you’ve done” – Littlefinger
£350 million extra for the NHS if we leave the EU yeah Nige? No, no apparently not.
“The night is dark and full of terrors” – Meilssandre
What about this from Michael Gove – “The one thing I can tell you is there are lots of talented people who could be prime minister after David Cameron bit count me out.” 3 weeks later……..
“Hard truths cut both ways” – Stannis
The backstabbing – “Someday I’m going to put a sword through your eye and out through your skull” – Arya Stark
Just look at Labour, it’s a mess…
“Who doesn’t like to see their friends fall now and then” – Varys
And then of course there’s Gove who maintained that he would back Boris Johnson’s campaign to be the next party leader but instead launched his own campaign with hours to spare to single-handedly obliterate Boris’ career into a literal Eton mess.
The Sex! – “I am the god of tits and wine” – Tyrion Lannister
Or perhaps that should be lack of sex. Here’s what Daily Mail columnist Sarah Vine, who is Gove’s wife has to say about their sex life……
“You’re much uglier in daylight” – Jamie Lannister
The questionable outfits – “There’s no cure for being a cunt.” – Bronn
WHAT. ARE. THOSE.
The chaos – “If you think this has a happy ending you haven’t been paying attention” – Ramsey Bolton
We’ve lost our Prime minister. We’ve possibly lost access to the single-market. We might not have a human rights bill this time next year. Ukip has no leader. The Labour party is a self-imploding embarrassment. It’s very likely that our next Prime Minister will have more resemblance to a reptile than a human being. Even Nigel Farage can’t be fucked anymore. The Scots and the Irish have had enough. Congratulations Britain, everything is fucked.