Why the EU referendum needs you!

Stop twittering, stop super-liking on tinder, stop wearing jeans that don’t cover your ankles, stop putting f*cking glitter on your cheeks, stop wearing those ‘chocker’ things and stop it with those c*nting retro Casio watches. Whatever we’re meant to be doing according to our respected elders needs to stop on Thursday, because your future needs you, your country needs you. Don’t let your racist neighbor dictate your future because she ‘read it in the Daily Mail my love’. It’s time for the PlayStation generation to stop vaping, stop racing drones and go outside and put a f*cking cross in a box on Thursday.

sun oagfe

Last week The Sun’s front page revealed that they were supporting the leave campaign, which is, quite frankly, very f*cking worrying. The Sun has pretty much called every general election and referendum in the last four decades. Why is The Sun backing leave? Well, perhaps this comment from Anthony Standard of the Evening Standard will inform you, “I once asked Rupert Murdoch (owner of The Sun and much more of the British media) why he was so opposed to the European Union. ‘That’s easy,’ he said. ‘When I go into Downing Street they do what I say; when I go to Brussels they take no notice.’”


Now why you yourself may understand and appreciate that the small few who own such a large proportion of our British press have alternative and personal motives concerning the EU referendum, some people, such as my grandma, do not understand this, and instead will do whatever Rupert and his mates tell her to do.


While YouGov estimate that 75% of 18-24 year-olds want to remain in the EU, they estimate that only 34% of those aged 65 and over want to remain. The problem here is that all 66% of those aged 65 and over who want to leave the EU will go out and vote, because old people f*cking love a vote. They are always represented heavily at elections and referendums and who can blame them when all they have to do is gardening, touching curtains, attending funerals, going to the doctors and telling you that you’ve grown. (btw, side-note, this is all satire and banta, dw Gran I still love u rlly, pls don’t take me out ur inheritance, cheers).


Whereas young people can’t really be bothered. Under half (43%) of those aged between 18-24 voted in the last general election. Old people are the one very few demographics that governments never f*ck over, and it’s because parties need their votes, because like I side, they f*cking love a vote. It pains me to say this, but young people can be afforded to be f*cked over, because we don’t vote. So what if all the kiddies hate us? Most of them don’t vote anyway, couldn’t give a sh*t (is the conversation I imagine Davey C and the boys have over a pint at the end of the week).


So I’ve convinced you to vote? Sweet. Job done? Nearly.


How we voting then kids?


Well, if you’re young, and you have your own best interests at heart (which you should), then I’d heavily nudge you to put your cross in the remain box on Thursday.


Students. The EU is f*cking class for students. It enables 15,000 students to study abroad a year. It allows students to study in countries like Spain, France and other European countries with no extra costs. The EU invested £1 billion in UK research in the last year alone. The bank of England and IMF have predicted that the by leaving the EU we are likely to find ourselves in another recession. What did the last recession bring? Youth unemployment. The housing market could be even harder for young people to climb into if we leave the EU as it is likely to remove restraints on private landlords. And what about your yearly lads ‘oliday to Magaluf? To put it plain and simple, it’s going to cost you a f*ck load more if we leave the EU.


The EU brings us the single market, and while many believe that this is an outdated system it does provide a marketplace of 500 million and results in prices in shops being lower and generates more money for public services. Do you really want to be the lab rats that have to find out what life without the single market will be like?


“But what about immigration? My dad says the reason I can’t get a job is ‘cos all them Polish lads are stealing them”


If you’re sincerely worried about immigration, then vote to remain. The EU provides the majority of our border control, it will in reality be far easier for immigrants to enter our country when we’re not in the EU and without the support from the EU we won’t even know who is coming in and out of our country. Therefore the immigration argument that many leave campaigners insist on shoving down you throats is completely redundant.


Ever fancied a road trip around Europe? Going to be tricky when we leave the EU whereas it’s relatively stress free going from border to border at the moment.


Young people, this referendum affects you more than anyone. Don’t let people who love wine gums, reading the Daily Mail, watching countdown and Alan Titmarsh decide your future. Because to be quite frank, it has f*ck all to do with them as they will be six feet under before it really effects us. If you enjoy your yearly holiday in matching t-shirts to Zante then vote to remain. If you want to study abroad then vote remain. If you want to enter the housing market at some stage in your life then vote remain. If you have your own best interests at heart then vote to remain. If you are a decent human being then please, please put you cross in the remain box.


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